It just got real… sort of
Daydreaming about something and playing around with an idea is one thing, but to actually start to make the plans is another thing entirely. I have wanted to move from this city for years. I’ve wanted to find the love of my life for decades and I’ve wanted the experience of living in another country for just as long, if not longer. How is it possible that those three things can come together in my life and present themselves all at once? Excited, I was, to find them all there…lined up in a lovely little row. I started researching London and jobs and working on my resume and web portfolio and looking at how much I need to make compared to how much I could make and then today it got real.
My friends are moving into some cool apartments and they want to get a dog the day after they move in. They are a realistic hip young couple, they don’t want a puppy so they have been looking online at the human society. Today I emailed my friend to ask her how the packing is going and what’s been up with her and she ends her reply with “T minute 2 weeks for dog ownership”. I started thinking about how I want to move to another country and probably won’t be able to take my slobbery mutt and they want a dog and they absolutely love MY dog and have puppy sat for me when I was out of town…. that’s right… ding. The light bub flickered on and I came up with this great idea that I would ask them if they wanted to adopt my giant monster and be the loving parents I know they will be.
I have considered finding my dog a new home for years because I don’t feel I give him the attention and discipline he deserves, but trying to find someone I think will love his slobbering farting self as much as I do has been difficult. But these two… I don’t even hesitate to think that he would most likely be better off with them than with me. So I emailed her this proposition, so it wouldn’t be an awkward conversation if she said “Hellz no” and she said they were interested. She asked some questions, I replied with answers and then I had to leave work immediately for fear of balling my eyes out in front of my coworkers. Luckily, it was the end of the day… almost. So I sat in my car and called my mom and balled into the phone. 2 hours later, I see that this is probably working out better than I could have ever planned it. Those 2 hours though were spent feeling like a failure because I couldn’t provide this sweet puppy with what he needs and after 7 years of spending just about everyday with someone (or some puppy) it’s not an easy thing to just say, “Oh here ya go… here’s his leash and food bowl and he doesn’t like to walk in the rain or get wet ever, he farts a lot and loves his monkey and if he needs something he’ll tell you and I’ll see ya next year when I come back to the states to visit. Peace.”
Like I said before… it just got real. I’ve found my dog a new home. Next I’ll be officially sending out a massive amount of emails with my resume and samples of my work attached and looking for work. Then I’ll be going to interviews and selling my car and all of my earthly belongings and then I’ll be on a plane.
I had it in my head that this would all happen Aprilish of 2013… I mean any change and now I get the feeling that I’ve started something and its taken on a life of its own, my plea with the universe, and I am just gonna have to try and keep up. It could still be that long before I find a job or even longer, I realize that, but I feel like if they actually agree to adopt my puppy love that it will be the beginning of the end here in San Antonio. The beginning of the end… wow. Scary. Scary enough for me to stop in mid throw of my puppy’s rope and think, shit… is this really what I want? Pause… Yeah it is.
It’s ok to be scared of the unknown, the thing that must be avoided is being a coward. Show up, do the work, move forward, take the leap.